I was in the office today chatting with a colleague who wanted to know more about my trip to Antarctica. When I pulled up my blog to give her the address, I saw that it has been almost four months since my last post. So I’m writing this update on my train ride home.
This post is not (really) about Antarctica and may be a little too personal for some readers (especially people who don’t know me in real life) but what I’ve come to realize in the last five months or so is that women don’t always talk openly about certain things and that leads to a lack of information that might be helpful.
The reason I called this post “Life on Pause” is because I’ve been experiencing some health issues that have effectively put my life on pause a couple of times since I got home from Antarctica.
But my health issues are (somewhat) related to menopause so it’s also a play on words as it turns out! (I suspect this is where I lose a few people but that’s okay. If you do stop here, come back soon for a new post on Antarctica!)
I wrote out a long timeline of my experience between March and now but I decided that most of the people who would care about it all, already know most of it!
So the long story (probably should be much) shorter version is a symptom experienced at the end of my time in Antarctica and another one about a week after I got home (which in hindsight I realized I had experienced twice over the last year or so) finally got me to see a doctor.
My family doctor was on vacation so I headed to a nearby walk-in clinic and waited a long them to see a doctor (as it turns out the only doctor). He did a couple of tests and sent me for an ultrasound.
Wait times for ultrasounds were kind of crazy but I eventually found a location that had an opening much sooner than the others I had called.
Unfortunately the results were inconclusive. There is a mass near one of my ovaries but they can’t tell what it’s attached to.
The doctor sent me for an MRI. I got a call about an opening that was the next day and headed back to the doctor to get a prescription for anti-anxiety medication as I don’t love enclosed spaces like small elevators.
I don’t want to get into a lot of detail about the experience but I will say that I suffered from a bit of PTSD for a week or so afterwards. If I never need an MRI again, it will be too soon!
I got a call the following week to discuss the results of the MRI. If memory serves, this is when the doctor first mentioned the possibility of “it” being cancer. (Oh also the MRI didn’t really give them any additional information about the mass. I did get a “bonus” diagnosis of degenerative disk disease in my lower back though.)
I had a bit of a hiccup with my family doctor’s office but once I got them to understand what was going on, my doctor saw me quickly and submitted referrals to specialists, sent me for blood tests (for ovarian cancer marker) and an overdue mammogram. (Mammogram was fine; cancer marker is borderline. As is my cholesterol!)
As it turned out my doctor had sent my referral to two specialists – one male and one female. I got an appointment with the male doctor for May 1 (it was still March at this point). May??? I asked to be put on a list for cancellations, just in case.
I don’t remember how much longer after I got a call from the female doctor’s office. Her receptionist informed me I had an appointment booked. I was excited at the possibility it would be sooner than May 1. She informed me it was in October. My heart sank. I told her that I would stick with an appointment I had much earlier.
I think this is the first time when I felt like the pause button had been pushed on my life.
I was supposed to be going downtown to the office at least once a week but I stayed home just in case a cancellation came up. I was willing to take anything to get closer to an answer about what was going on.
May 1 came and the specialist asked me some information. He told me any bleeding when you’re in menopause has to be investigated. He told me the chance of it being cancer was 1 in 1000. He emphasized that the chance of it not being cancer was 999 (my Disney’s Haunted Mansion loving brain immediately went to 999 happy haunts.)
When he was looking at my ultrasound results, I mentioned the MRI and his reaction was “why did they send you for an MRI?” (In my head “dude are you kidding me? I didn’t need to suffer through that???”)
The doctor took a biopsy sample which was pretty painful but I was happy to have things moving. Until he said “results take 6 to 8 weeks”.
Seriously?
He told me he was going to send me for a “second opinion ultrasound” about a week before my follow up appointment (which was booked for August 5).
Pause….again.
Okay maybe not a full pause. Within a day I booked flights to Florida for a trip to Disney a few weeks later. The first pause probably cost me a bit on airfare but whatever, I got to go to my happy place!
7 weeks of waiting and wondering passed before I went for the second opinion ultrasound. A few days before my follow up I had a newish symptom and started to panic a bit.
First things, first – the biopsy was negative. The doctor didn’t seem overly concerned about my newish symptom. So what now?
1. Wait and watch. Do periodic biopsies.
2. Remove the mass.
3. Remove it all.
Pausing here to say that several friends, family and colleagues have asked what “all” means. I don’t know. I will ask in my follow up.
The doctor said that the only way to know if it’s cancer for sure is to remove it. So option 1 became instantly less desirable. My life would be paused repeatedly.
So I asked two questions – what are the surgery recovery times and what are the wait times for surgery?
He said my recovery for option two would be about two weeks. Option three would be 3-4 weeks unless he needed to cut me open (versus laparoscopically) in which case it would up to 8 weeks.
Wait times are 3-4 months.
At that point he was ready to send me for another ultrasound (and then decided he had enough info from the two I had) and wanted me to come back in 3 months. He decided to have me come back in 6 weeks to discuss my options. I think he moved it up because I had asked what he recommended and he said to remove everything because they’re useless organs. He said “if you were 30 I’d be having a different conversation with you”.
Paused again.
Until August 17, when my follow up is, I am going to try not to think about what’s next and move on with other parts of my life!
Like going back to update my blog
Like finishing my Antarctica/Galápagos gallery staircase
Like planning my next trip (even if I’m not sure I should book anything at this stage)
Like having a house warming barbecue with friends
Like finishing unpacking (from my move not my trip!)
Like finishing the decorating of my indoor Tiki Bar
Life goes on even if you have to pause every now and then.
Tara with Styles 